The Power of Affirmations

We use affirmations all day every day. We typically use them on a subconscious level. We’re not even aware we’re using them. And we’re certainly not aware of the impact they have on us.

But what does affirmations mean? What is the power of affirmations?

Affirmations are statements that you tell yourself or think about yourself on a consistent basis. A self-affirmation is a statement or act that expresses one’s competence or capability.

As mentioned above, we use self-affirmations continuously without even being aware of it. This makes it difficult for us to connect our thoughts with our outcomes. But since we use them without intentionality, it also means they’re not always helpful or positive. But they can be.

A positive affirmation is a positive statement one actively focuses on in order to achieve a desired outcome. Examples of desired outcomes include specific goals or improving your mood of state of mind. Positive affirmations have three main characteristics:

1. They are stated in the first person, otherwise known as “I-statements”
2. They are stated in the present tense
3. They are stated positively

Before we can dive into how positive affirmations work, it’s helpful to first go over some basics on our belief systems.

Belief systems

Internal voice

Every person has what’s known as an internal voice, otherwise referred to as self-talk. There’s a voice, in some form or another, in each of our heads chattering away at us all day long. (Not all of us can actually “hear” this voice.)

There are two sides to the voice in our head. The first is the yes voice (sometimes represented as an angel on one’s shoulder). It’s the voice that cheers us on and gives us strength. The second is the no voice (sometimes represented as the devil on one’s shoulder). It’s the voice that talks us down. It fills us with negativity and anxiety, worry and shame, and sometimes even self-hate.

Unsurprisingly, one of those voices dominates inside our head.

Negative thinking

The unfortunate truth is that the vast majority of us are consumed with negative thinking, known as negativity bias or negativity dominance. In fact, up to 70% of our internal voice messages are negative.

Before you reject that statement, consider how often you are self-critical. How often you are pessimistic. Or anxious. Consider how often you reach for thoughts like “just my luck!” or “why do bad things always happen to me?” Think about times when you feel guilty when you’ve made a mistake. Or put yourself down when you’ve not met a goal.

If this doesn’t describe you, you are already on the right track! If it does describe you, please know it’s not your fault (although you can do something about it).

Research suggests that negative stimuli (information from our environment) is more valuable to us than positive stimuli. We learn more from negative information than we do positive information, and therefore we pay more attention to negative stimuli. This means we’re more influenced by what’s negative!

What’s more unfortunate is there’s evidence that this negativity bias begins to develop sometime between 6 months and 12 months of age. Rest assured, our children are not cursed with negativity. (And neither are we!)

Our children’s belief system

Children are born without much of an internal voice. They don’t have the life experience to really provide much chatter. Instead, children’s internal voice comes from their caregivers. Children internalize everything we say to and about them. These words become the foundation for their beliefs which will in turn impact all aspects of their life.

The scary truth of the matter is that, to our children, we are all-knowing, powerful beings. What we believe, say, and do is always right and real. When a child hears they are bad or rotten, they believe it. When a child hears words of praise and encouragement, they believe that, too. (Please keep in mind there’s a genetic component to development of which we have no control. So while these statements are true for most children, they’re certainly not true for all children.)

Here’s where we insert positive affirmations.

How do positive affirmations work?

Affirmations work in a couple of ways. They can contribute to actually changing the way our brains function.

Rewiring our brain

We once believed that, unlike the rest of our cells, we didn’t regenerate new brain cells and that they were static or unchanging. We have come to understand our brains are plastic. That is to say they do change!

Almost everything we do – our thoughts, feelings, and behavior – physically changes our brains. Our brain chemistry changes constantly. This is what’s known as neuroplasticity.

The term neuroplasticity is used to refer to two different types of changes in our brain. The first refers to structural changes. This includes when neurons die or are created or when synaptic connections are created or changed. The second refers to changes in function, which is when the way our brain functions changes.

Neuroplasticity is broken down into two categories. The first is called experience-expectant plasticity. This is a phase our brain undergoes throughout childhood where our brain expects to learn important things from our environment (ex. learning to talk, walk, and eat). This phase isn’t complete until our prefrontal cortex is fully matured, which doesn’t occur until we’re in our mid-20s.

The second category is called experience-dependent plasticity. This is change our brain undergoes as we learn something or when something in our environment changes.

So what does this have to do with affirmations?

Regular repetition of affirmations engages our prefrontal cortex and aids in its development through neuroplasticity. Our brain takes in the repeated information and changes the way we receive and perceive the information. In short, we begin to believe the repeated information as fact.

Our thoughts shape our emotions. Our emotions affect our actions and behavior. Which in turn affects our thoughts. It becomes a loop.

Threat response

Affirmations also change the way we perceive and respond to threat.

For most of us, when we experience any form of immediate threat, we focus on it. Our natural stress response system engages in order to protect ourselves. Our body was “designed” this way for survival.

Firstly, positive affirmations boost our positive emotions, which in turn strengthen our immune system.

Secondly, when we use positive affirmations, we’re better equipped to assess the ordinary stressors of daily life (immediate threat) with a big picture perspective. We’re better able to regulate our stress response system and respond with less vigilance.

This happens because of a couple reasons. First is that we’re able to assess the threat outside of ourself. Positive affirmations change the context in which we view ourselves so threats become less personal and therefore have less of an impact on our psychological well-being. To put it differently, the stressors aren’t happen to us.

Second is that using positive affirmations causes us to be less likely to avoid threats or to shrink away from them. We’re more likely to face our stressors and address them. This makes us better equipped to resolve threats in a constructive way rather than become emotionally and mentally overwhelmed and exhausted by them. And it also helps us to be more open to learning from our mistakes.

There is even evidence that using positive affirmations has long-term effects. In other words, teaching our children to use them throughout their childhood benefits them as they grow into adults.

How to create affirmations

As I mentioned above, affirmations have three characteristics. We’ll use those three characteristics in our steps below:

• Affirmations should be created in the first person. It’s best that they be “I statements.” Similarly, they should also be personal. They need to matter to you. And if you’re helping your children, ensure their affirmations are meaningful to them (and still be written in first person).
• They should be written in the present tense. Our brain is unable to differentiate between past, present, or future tense. All it recognizes is what’s happening now. So that’s how we need to write our affirmations. Instead of “I am healing,” say “I am healthy.” Instead of “I am getting stronger,” say “I am strong.”
• Affirmations should be stated positively. Our brain is unable to differentiate between positive or negative. Just as above, it only recognizes what is. It doesn’t understand the not part of a statement. So instead of “I am not sick,” say “I am healthy.” Instead of “I am not impatient,” say “I am patient.”
• Finally, keep your affirmations short and simple. This is really just to make it easier on you. You’ll remember them more easily and it’ll be easier to recite or list them off.

Affirmations for parents and caregivers

Those of you who are caregivers may be focused on how affirmations may be helpful for those you care for. But what about YOU. I’m here to tell you that you, too, are important. You are valuable. And you are worthy of feeling good.

And, well, the healthier you are, the better equipped you’ll be to care for others. So let’s talk about affirmations for parents and caregivers.

It’s no secret that our physical health can be passed on generation to generation by the way of genetics. But the same is true for our emotional health. Some of it is genetic, but it’s also environmental. Our mental and emotional health affect our ability to care for others. When we’re stressed out and struggling, we’re less patient and less kind.

Additionally, as parents we model for our children how to care for themselves by the way we care for ourselves. When we speak positively about ourselves, we teach our children to speak positively about themselves. When we empower ourselves, we model for our children to do the same.

So please, don’t leave yourself out of the equation. You’re worth it. And so are your children.

Affirmations for children

As we already discussed, the development of children’s internal voice begins with us. They internalize what we say to and about them. So affirmations for children begins with our own words and actions.

First and foremost, if you have not already done so, acknowledge here and now that your children are their own persons. They are not ours to control. They are not mini-versions of us (even if it sometimes seems so). Your children are precious, unique little individuals in charge of their own destinies.

And we need to love, respect, and accept them for who they are. We need to let them learn and make mistakes and grow and be.

So how can we support them in this process? How can we encourage self-reliance, independence, and responsibility? Affirmations are one great resource.

Focus on your children’s strengths and accomplishments. Feed their yes voice so that as their internal voice is developing, they learn to listen to their yes voice more than their no voice. Our internal voice will become a self-fulfilling prophecy and we want it to be positive.

Tell your children every day that they are loved. They are important. They are special. They are unique. They matter.

Repeat affirmations as they learn and grow. You are strong. You are fast. You are smart. You are brave. You are kind. You are gentle. Children thrive on praise and appreciation.

They will begin saying them, too. And then you can begin to help them create their own affirmations.

Disclaimer

Stressors happen. Affirmations cannot eliminate stressors in your life. Affirmations can only assist you in addressing stressors in a constructive way.

Affirmations are not a “quick fix.” Changing your thought patterns and self talk takes time. Improving your well-being takes time. It takes repetition and consistency.

It’s also important to note that I’m referring the every day stressors here in this article. Things like losing your keys, dealing with meal-planning for your family, getting a flat tire. I am not referring to high or chronic stress, such as chronic illness, the death of a loved one, or systemic racism. While it is possible that affirmations may boost your resilience, coping, and confidence, it’s not a cure-all. Please seek out the help and support you need.

Affirmations cannot replace the need for therapy, medical treatment, or medication. They are not a form of treatment. Please seek medical advice from a medical professional and mental health advice from a mental health professional. And know that you are loved and supported in your path.