How Attachment Affects Development

Humans are born with the need to connect with others and seek social contact. We are social beings at our core. We are made to develop attachments. It is rather logical that, given how incapable we are of caring for ourselves in infancy, that we establish a strong attachment to the people who care for us the most.

We now understand this strong attachment as attachment theory.

What is attachment theory?

Attachment most generally refers to the connection between two people. When we talk about attachment and children or how attachment affects development, we refer to the connection or relationship between an infant and the infant’s primary caregiver.

Attachment refers to more than just connection. It’s the emotional bond between child and caregiver. It also includes the child’s response to a break in their connection, such as a separation. Additionally, attachment includes the child’s comfort level with exploring their world away from their caregiver.

Most resources refer to a child’s mother when speaking about an attachment figure, but it’s important to note that it’s not limited to mothers. Similarly, it’s not limited to just one person. For example, in a two-parent home, both parents may be (and hopefully are!) attachment figures. Although it is likely that one is primary and the other secondary. Additionally, other family members, friends, and even teachers and coaches can be attachment figures. Attachment figures are by far the most influential in supporting a child’s social-emotional development.

Let’s learn more about how attachment affects development.

*See the recommended sources below for more information about how attachment theory was formed.

The four attachment styles

There are four attachment styles, one secure and three insecure. It’s common for them to go by one set of names for adults and one set for infants. I use the names often used for infant attachment below.

Secure attachment

Children with a secure attachment learn how to trust themselves and other people. These children feel safe enough to express negative emotions and explore their environment. They have a healthy self-esteem and learn how to be independent and resilient. For example, a secure baby knows they can rely on their needs being met, so they stay calm even when they have a need. They know they don’t need to escalate (such as cry louder or harder) to get a response.

Secure attachments include perceived accessibility, responsiveness, and emotional engagement of our attachment figures. Above all, children with a secure attachment know they are loved and safe.

Avoidant/resistant attachment (insecure)

Children with an avoidant attachment are more likely to feel stressed and scared. These children typically feel rejected. They avoid showing distress or negative emotion. For this reason, they actively avoid expressing their distress in order to avoid feeling and being rejected. This leads them to shut down and become self-reliant. Don’t confuse this with independence. The child’s stress level remains high internally while appearing okay. These children often lack the confidence to explore their environment which in turn impedes development.

Ambivalent/anxious attachment (insecure)

Children with an ambivalent attachment are more likely to feel stressed and insecure. They feel emotionally abandoned. This can lead them to being clingy and needy. These children have impulse control issues and tend to be angry and aggressive. In the hope that they receive some type of attention, they display extreme negative emotion. They’ll even be aggressive while seeking comfort. Sadly, they rarely feel comforted which is what causes them to be angry and clingy. Unfortunately they also experience social issues and feel too anxious to explore their environment.

Disorganized/disoriented attachment (insecure)

Children with a disorganized attachment tend to feel scared and sad. They’re more likely to reach out to strangers for safety and comfort. They tend to have a low self-esteem and feel angry. Disorganized children may become aggressive toward their caregiver while also reaching to them for comfort. In time they become super self-reliant and refuse care from their caregiver.

This attachment style is referred to as disorganized because their behavior is all over the place. Their behavior can be quite contradictory. This is in response to a parent’s behaviors being inconsistent and unpredictable for them. Their attachment figure is both the source of and solution to fear, so they really aren’t sure how to behave.

Now that you’re familiar with the four attachment styles, let’s talk about how caregivers contribute to attachment style. A child’s first attachment figure creates the foundation for all other relationships they will have in life. Three main things determine a child’s attachment style. First is regular care and contact. Second is the child’s confidence in the availability of their attachment figure. Finally is the quality of care that determines their attachment style. This relationship is where we first learn to control and regulate our emotions.

How to establish a secure attachment

• Sensitive to infant’s needs (for example, is able to read their cues)
• Meet infant’s needs consistently and responsively
• Express emotional warmth and acceptance
• Express a wide range of emotions
• Trustworthy and reliable
• Infant’s positive and negative behaviors and emotions are acceptable

Causes of avoidant attachment

• When a caregiver is unwilling or unable to respond effectively to infant’s signs of distress
• Doesn’t display much emotion or affection
• Values infant’s independence
• Displays anger or irritation toward infant
• Strong aversion to close bodily contact

Causes of ambivalent/anxious attachment

• Inconsistent responsiveness and not always positive
• Confusion, uncertainty, and anxiety
• Increased arousal and overwhelmed by infant’s needs
• Hard time balancing their own needs with infant’s needs

Causes of disorganized/disoriented attachment

• Power struggles
• Helplessness
• Frightening
• Role reversal and/or abandonment

It’s important to realize we don’t have to be perfect parents all the time. Slip-ups and bad days happen to all of us! What’s important is which behavior is most consistent. It’s the overall pattern that our children can come to count on that matters most. It’s also possible to have one attachment style with one attachment figure and a different style with another.

Why is attachment important for development?

Let’s look at how attachment affects development. As I have noted, humans are made to connect with others. We are most aware of this need for connection when we are in pain or face threats or risks.

Foundation for development

A secure attachment is essential for social-emotional development. Having a secure attachment protects children against social and emotional maladjustment. In essence, attachment to one’s caregiver provides a foundation for all other development. It contributes to an infant’s social, psychological, emotional, and personality development. To put it another way, its influence on development continues throughout our whole life.

In particular, disorganized attachment is shown to lead to serious maladjustment. Examples include poor emotion regulation, aggressive behaviors, unhealthy social relationships, and poor school outcomes. It’s also linked to severe psychopathology.

Safety and security

Having a predictable connection, physical or emotional, with an attachment figure causes us to feel safe. It literally calms the nervous system. When we feel safe, we feel assured. This helps us maintain emotional balance. When an infant forms emotional balance, their nervous system develops to be less sensitive to threats.

Relationships that are dependable and secure provide us with a safe and secure base. A safe and secure base gives us freedom to explore our world and take risks. This is not only good for children’s development, it’s great for adults, too!

Healthy relationships

Emotional balance leads to a sense of self that is grounded and positive. A grounded sense of self allows us to create connection with more people. We can develop healthy relationships that become sources of support.

When an attachment bond is broken or a connection is lost, distress arises. This distress leads to emotional and physical isolation which can be traumatizing. Additionally, isolation causes us to feel vulnerable and helpless.

Hopefully, this article has helped you understand how attachment affects development.

References and Recommended Sources

1. Ainsworth, M.D.S. (1985). Patterns of infant-mother attachment: antecedents and effects on development. Bulletin of the New York Academy of Medicine, 61, 771-791.
2. Benoit, D. (2004). Infant-parent attachment: Definition, types, antecedents, measurement and outcome. Paediatric Child Health, 9(8): 541–545. doi: 10.1093/pch/9.8.541
3. Bretherton, I. (1992). The origins of attachment theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. Developmental Psychology, 28, 759-775.
4. Gordon, M. (2009). Roots of Empathy: Changing the World Child by Child. Thomas Allen Publishers.
5. Johnson, S. (2019). Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families. The Guilford Press.
6. Lally, J. Ronald & Mangione, Peter L. (2017, May) Caring relationships: The heart of early brain development. National Association for the Education of Young Children. https://www.naeyc.org/resources/pubs/yc/may2017/caring-relationships-heart-early-brain-development
7. Sleed, M. & Fonagy, P. (2012). Parental care and attachment. The Cambridge Handbook of Environment in Human Development. Cambridge University Press.
8. Solomon, J. & George, C. (2008). The measurement of attachment security and related constructs in infancy and early childhood. In J. Cassidy & P.R. Shaver (Eds.), Handbook of attachment (2nd ed.). New York: Guilford.